Members of the Urban Foragers Benevolent Society conduct routine waste assessment.
Seriously now these animals already run the alleys better than any municipal employee I ever met, really now, I have SEEN things.... The raccoons have organization, the crows have intelligence, the squirrels have HUSTLE.... Oh really now we just make it official, give them a union name like The Urban Foragers Benevolent Society, pay them in stale Pop-Tarts and public recognition....
Seriously they don't need benefits they need RESPECT and also access to the good dumpsters.... My ex wife always said the raccoons would inherit the earth and I think she was right about that at least.... Really now I've watched a single raccoon dismantle a "raccoon-proof" garbage can in under thirty seconds, that's not a pest that's an EMPLOYEE who hasn't been properly onboarded yet....
"That's not a pest, that's an employee who hasn't been properly onboarded yet."
Oh seriously now the crows are even better, they got facial recognition technology, they remember who's been mean to them, they communicate with each other across MILES.... You want neighborhood watch? Hire the crows.... You want organic waste disposal? The squirrels will bury it and forget about it which is basically composting if you don't think about it too hard....
Really now under the Peluski administration we're gonna formalize what's already happening.... City-sponsored feeding stations, designated foraging zones, official union recognition for The Urban Foragers Benevolent Society Local 503.... Seriously some people say "Tan won't this just create more raccoons" and I say "Have you SEEN the garbage situation? We NEED more raccoons, we need an ARMY of raccoons, we need raccoons with AMBITION".... Oh really now this is just good management, you find out who's already doing the job and you put them on payroll....